To those of you who read, I apologize for the absence. Here I am trying to build and be part of the blog community and I go AWOL for a while....


That aside, I have been home for just under a week now- deliciously cramped in my lovely cave- and have found myself in a place that I never really imagined. I am not only trying to battle between majors and discover which career I am being called to, I also find myself on a journey of deciding if transferring is in the cards for me. This journey is exhausting; requiring me to dig deep and meditate and pray... this sadly leaves little time for art. The piece above is from a couple of weeks ago. (another reason that art has not been a driving force for me is because I'm a tad intimidated by my mother's talent.)


It's been busy, between working, helping my dearest friend with wedding stuff, and trying to figure out the direction my life will be taking by the end of July. Sometimes I just wish that I could disappear, need nothing and nobody but myself, and the journey's I would go on. But I am satisfied. I'm happy with the way home is, and how it is exactly what I needed. I feel content with the baby steps of growing up that seem to be slowly continuing. At least one aspect of my life is moving forward...

How I long to be through this and know that I had made the right decision, that this one summer of choices and discoveries had led me to everything I ever wanted. But, that would be kind of missing the point, wouldn't it?

Don't Give Up

It's been a few days... Okay, more than a few days. My attempt to focus only on school (4 more days!!!!) means cutting out distractions and only accomplishing what is necessary. Today painting became a need. I put on the music and let it fly.


So, every once and a while, I will stumble across a song in my iTunes library that I've never heard before, simply because I've downloaded playlists, other libraries, or entire CD's and I haven't heard every song. Then a beautiful moment during listening to my music on shuffle, I hear unfamiliar notes. If I'm not in the mood for new, I skip... which happens a lot. But today, I was paralyzed in the peaceful moment where words float through my speaker that were meant just for me. I'm going on and on about this because I want to share that song. Wish it was more eclectic and not so stereotypical but it is what it is... and honestly it moved me.

Three tests tomorrow then I just have finals. I'm so close now... to being home, working lots, saving money and time for art (hopefully every day) and giving summer all the love it desires and deserves!

Go find your heart-stopping song for today

Walk On Water

Happy July! I can't believe that times flies so quickly... having fun or not.

This above journal page is the one I mentioned in my previous post, and obviously, I had not gone straight home and done it. My class went full time, which means that I didn't get home till 6 after being gone since 7:30 am. I need to soak, to relax and rest. Which is exactly what I did. Then I did this journal page this morning inspired by scripture and the song "Storm" by Lifehouse.

I absolutely love this song, its worth a listen. I'm trying to get back in the habit of seeing God and His hand in my life. I know everything will be alright.

Here's the present I'd been working on for my mom. It's inspired by Teesha. I love her work and have always wanted to do something in her style. This is as close as I got to her genius.
My mom calls this her little art muse. I'm glad she likes it.

Today is a day of keeping on track, keeping my attitude up, working on bringing up my spiritual level and studying like crazy. One more week and I still have to bring me grades up a bit. But I believe in myself.

I have to...

Bzzzzzzz......

So, I know its been a while. I spent the weekend at home, then attended a concert and have been busy as a bee. Hence, the buzzing. I also know that I have no pictures of recent accomplished art (for now.) I'm in my break between classes and I thought I'd do some much needed reflecting. I finished my mom's birthday present, pictures up later! And even though its a Tuesday and I generally don't like Tuesday's very much, I'm feeling a general sense of "_____." I don't really know the word that can describe all that I'm feling, but its good. Things are looking up. I'm determined to look for all the little signs of assurance everywhere. I had a wonderful and inspiring conversation with a friend and her family.

When facing these hard times, it is so easy (with my sensative soul) to forget the grace and blessings. All I see is the darkness. But from this point on, I will take action in my faith. There are promises that have been said to me and right now, I have to believe and trust that I am taken care of. A loan went through, now I have to trust that it will be processed by the time I need the money. Gas, groceries, and rent... PAID IN FULL. God will provide.

"I am taken care of, I am taken care of...." it becomes my mantra, I don't know how I have let the comforting words fall so easily out of my head.

I can't believe how much lighter I feel, how much more warmth and inspiration runs through my veins. I feel alive and the first thing I will do when I get home, is post a picture of the journal page that is growing in my mind.

Thanks for reading, thanks for supporting... every day is a journey and its about finding and using the tools to make it the best one you can...

Blah...

Sorry its been a couple of days, to those that are following. I did do the GOventure for yesterday (pocket) but it didn't really turn out how I'd envisioned or hoped. I've been working on my mom's birthday present... adding details here and there... playing when I should have been studying. Will I ever learn?

Its hard for me to get into the creative spirit when my life feels overwhelmingly negative. I know that I just need to trust that things will be okay, but I can't seem to make that optimism stick. I'm at school now and just had another test (not bad, not great) and I feel like I will never get the hang of this and Trinity will never let me in the Nursing program...

While painting yesterday, my lovely room mate came in and said "When I'm independently wealthy, I will support you and you can just do art. And I'll be independent so there will be no men to deal with..." Oh, how I wish...

I don't even know what's holding me together at this point...

It's just...

Happy Tuesday! (this is forced enthusiasm. Tuesday, I'm really sorry that you fall short on the spectrum of days. You don't really have the bold charactersitcs of a Monday, you're not halfway-Wednesday, So-close Thursday... and I think you know you can't even compare to Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. However, I will try and celebrate you.) Alright, enough babbling...

Day 2 of Kal and Elise's GOventures provided much inspiration around here for the day...

I took the above picture right after reading the new clue for day two (heh, a rhyme!) And, being my artsy self, pondered its symbolism. I've never been someone to blend in to my surroundings. I've never been someone to let a little rain drown me (well, usually.) I have been someone, who with the support of the incredible people in my life, can see things pretty clearly. Hence, I give you the symbolistic piknik-altered image...

Now for the art... I decided to follow the same train of thought about what is me and what is not me...

Funny how these things turn out, because the first thing that popped into my head after reading the clue was related to the male species. (Guys that are my type, guys that aren't, do I have a type, etc.) But instead of pondering the eternal question of "will I end up alone?" I decided to ponder my identity, which is much more uplifting, I assure you...

So happy Tuesday! (it almost Wednesday- that's as good as it gets)

Green and Dizzy

So I started a new journal- I've experimented with new techniques so much, its actually inhibitory to try and work in my old moleskin. Love the inspiration that cam from Kal and her GOventure today (see above ; ) )...

Where this page comes from is the feelings of jealousy and frustration that comes with this painful and amazing process simply termed "growing up." Now that's its summer and I'm working and taking classes and stressing about life in general, I can't help but look back to those hazy, lazy days not too many years ago filled with playing outside from dawn till dusk, creating new worlds for my sisters and I to live in for a day and camping. It has been even more difficult than usual now that I know when I wake up saying "Oh, it's hot, but I have to go to class for 10 hours," they wake up saying "Mmmm, coffee... reading... should we go to the beach or the pool today?" GRRRRRrrrrr, it makes me angry. I do know that I'm growing and I love my life. These shakey and scary steps away from the comforts of home are vital to contented survival.

So I study... do art... and breathe.... Take in every day, and try to live it to its fullest potential.
Its good...