The battle

It's been a long week. Neglecting my artistic adventures is easier to do when I'm feeling depressed. We've been having some crazy weather 'round this part of town. Lots of rain, lots of sunny humidity. Yesterday, they decided to duke it out and, by my eyes, it looks like a tie.

I also adore this picture because light and dark, happiness and pain, the good and the bad all seem to battling in my soul. They fight, trying to make me wholly one or the other. This puts me in a generally crap-mood all because I don't know what I am, happy or sad. I gotta say, a lot of times, the darkness wins.

But I create, trying to move on and heal. I am in need for some real art, messy and experimental today. For now I thought I'd share what I've been working on over the past few
days: This is another entry for OLW... trying to do stuff that's a little more me... a little more unique. I think I like it... It reminds me that there's still a lot that I do have and even though rough times are just getting rougher, life is still something good. Its supposed to be reveled in and enjoyed to the fullest. It's supposed to be lived.

So I'm off to live life this weekend. Lot's of studying, lots of Streisand and lots of Sasha being herself: the good, the bad and the ugly. May I find the light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish I could dance...

Another artistic expression that I love to do... though I can't say my skill level is quite so high.
I am so happy that "So You Think You Can Dance" is on again! It is absolutely hands down my favorite reality TV show.

Today was a low-key day. Between studying, I cut my hair, dyed it, biked for 6 miles and read a bit. I always feel like I should look extra good in the summer... here's my attempt:


And one more? It's not often that I feel ridiculously good-looking:


I'm totally in summer mode, so its gonna be really difficult to keep on track. This is my last week of one of my classes, then I have three more weeks till I'm free!! And I can do anything for three weeks, right?

I'll inhale some of that incense- breathe in breathe out. Tomorrow is another double test day, so I've got to get back to the books...
I love my life!!
Art tomorrow?
Peace!

Never forget to say "yes"...

So this is proof that when you try to force yourself to do something artistic, it can be a little unpredictable. I still like it, even though its a little "scrapbooky" for my tastes. I wanted to say more; be more poetic... Oh well, an excuse to make more art is awesome. An excuse to make more art to give away is even better. Still , my baby sis is one incredible person. She's a motivating and inspiring little fairy who I can't wait to see handle the college experience way-hay-hay better than I did...

Anyways, home for the weekend, Yay! Except its gonna be go by quick with less opportunities to do what I need to do. Well, that's life.

Rock on.

Dreaming aloud...

The title is partly because those are the words that just came out of my stereo. If you know not the song "Walking After You" by the Foo Fighters, you must indulge. Its been on repeat around here for a while now...

Today was one of those days that felt slow, but actually went by quickly. I have yet to get anything done that I should have, but honestly I have less and less of these days and I needed it today. It also helped that the prize I won off the One Little Word blog finally came today!! I had to do a mental check- there was so much stuff!

Including a new little journal for my Mini Art that I of course had to decorate right away:


After that... I was not quite satisfied artistically. So after perusing blogs, waiting for individual inspiration to strike... I finally had it.

My outlook on life feels brighter in general... I know it sounds masochistic, but I think I kept myself in a state of self-doubt because that is the place where I had become most comfortable. It becomes easy not to achieve when you don't push for better. Its time for me to shake my own foundations and save myself (love you Kaela.) My support team will always be there, but I need to fix my own mentality of who I am...

Join me for the journey?

Don't tell me what I can't do!

I wish I had a picture of a sunny, beautiful, summery, day. Alas, it was cold and grey.

I was suffering from a serious case of self-irritation today. (Not with school, brief update: I am got a B in both test and practical for the "un-passable" Anatomy class this summer.) I was irritated with myself physically...

These days happen every once and a while... I struggle against old ballerina demons; battling the sylph-image. I heal a little more every time they come around though. Usually, it helps if I force myself to be physical. So, roomie and I decided to explore the 9 mile bike loop near the apt. After a while, we decided to turn back so we wouldn't be late and ended up beginning an adventure of ending up WAY off track and having to bike through the city in the dimming light to get home. It went longer than we intended, though was definitely a good workout. During one of our trail conversations, I mentioned that I would like to run the loop by the time I leave for GR. Lauren babbled a sentence containing one glaring word:

"IMPOSSIBLE."

Oh, ho, darling room mate. Do you know what that word does to me?!



And not only has this change in drive happened for me physically, I feel an incredible focus for every area of my life. I'm just sick of letting people down, but mostly myself. I have lost faith, I have given up, I have let the opportunities to shine pass me by, fleeting as the wind...

Not. Any. More.

And back to okay...

Today has been better.
Before my mood picked up, as I fought between going to class and laying in bed for the rest of my life, I was haunted by the song "The Hill" by Marketa Irglova from Once and so was inspired to do art. In the spirit of trying something new, I attempted a collage...

I think I like...
Step by step I'm feeling better. Plus, I watched one of my favorite X Files episodes, Milagro... Which about an author with incredible vocabulary who narrates the episode. It so poetic and sensual, so of course now I'm in a really romantic mood.

Well tonight involves dressing up, going to see "The Soloist" at the three dollar theater, dishes, kitchen cleaning, and Gilmore Girls. How much do I love the weekend?! I also might sneak in some X Files late tonight (since I know Lauren would never join me!)

Happy Friday!

Some day's are okay... and some are shockers.