Bzzzzzzz......

So, I know its been a while. I spent the weekend at home, then attended a concert and have been busy as a bee. Hence, the buzzing. I also know that I have no pictures of recent accomplished art (for now.) I'm in my break between classes and I thought I'd do some much needed reflecting. I finished my mom's birthday present, pictures up later! And even though its a Tuesday and I generally don't like Tuesday's very much, I'm feeling a general sense of "_____." I don't really know the word that can describe all that I'm feling, but its good. Things are looking up. I'm determined to look for all the little signs of assurance everywhere. I had a wonderful and inspiring conversation with a friend and her family.

When facing these hard times, it is so easy (with my sensative soul) to forget the grace and blessings. All I see is the darkness. But from this point on, I will take action in my faith. There are promises that have been said to me and right now, I have to believe and trust that I am taken care of. A loan went through, now I have to trust that it will be processed by the time I need the money. Gas, groceries, and rent... PAID IN FULL. God will provide.

"I am taken care of, I am taken care of...." it becomes my mantra, I don't know how I have let the comforting words fall so easily out of my head.

I can't believe how much lighter I feel, how much more warmth and inspiration runs through my veins. I feel alive and the first thing I will do when I get home, is post a picture of the journal page that is growing in my mind.

Thanks for reading, thanks for supporting... every day is a journey and its about finding and using the tools to make it the best one you can...

Blah...

Sorry its been a couple of days, to those that are following. I did do the GOventure for yesterday (pocket) but it didn't really turn out how I'd envisioned or hoped. I've been working on my mom's birthday present... adding details here and there... playing when I should have been studying. Will I ever learn?

Its hard for me to get into the creative spirit when my life feels overwhelmingly negative. I know that I just need to trust that things will be okay, but I can't seem to make that optimism stick. I'm at school now and just had another test (not bad, not great) and I feel like I will never get the hang of this and Trinity will never let me in the Nursing program...

While painting yesterday, my lovely room mate came in and said "When I'm independently wealthy, I will support you and you can just do art. And I'll be independent so there will be no men to deal with..." Oh, how I wish...

I don't even know what's holding me together at this point...

It's just...

Happy Tuesday! (this is forced enthusiasm. Tuesday, I'm really sorry that you fall short on the spectrum of days. You don't really have the bold charactersitcs of a Monday, you're not halfway-Wednesday, So-close Thursday... and I think you know you can't even compare to Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. However, I will try and celebrate you.) Alright, enough babbling...

Day 2 of Kal and Elise's GOventures provided much inspiration around here for the day...

I took the above picture right after reading the new clue for day two (heh, a rhyme!) And, being my artsy self, pondered its symbolism. I've never been someone to blend in to my surroundings. I've never been someone to let a little rain drown me (well, usually.) I have been someone, who with the support of the incredible people in my life, can see things pretty clearly. Hence, I give you the symbolistic piknik-altered image...

Now for the art... I decided to follow the same train of thought about what is me and what is not me...

Funny how these things turn out, because the first thing that popped into my head after reading the clue was related to the male species. (Guys that are my type, guys that aren't, do I have a type, etc.) But instead of pondering the eternal question of "will I end up alone?" I decided to ponder my identity, which is much more uplifting, I assure you...

So happy Tuesday! (it almost Wednesday- that's as good as it gets)

Green and Dizzy

So I started a new journal- I've experimented with new techniques so much, its actually inhibitory to try and work in my old moleskin. Love the inspiration that cam from Kal and her GOventure today (see above ; ) )...

Where this page comes from is the feelings of jealousy and frustration that comes with this painful and amazing process simply termed "growing up." Now that's its summer and I'm working and taking classes and stressing about life in general, I can't help but look back to those hazy, lazy days not too many years ago filled with playing outside from dawn till dusk, creating new worlds for my sisters and I to live in for a day and camping. It has been even more difficult than usual now that I know when I wake up saying "Oh, it's hot, but I have to go to class for 10 hours," they wake up saying "Mmmm, coffee... reading... should we go to the beach or the pool today?" GRRRRRrrrrr, it makes me angry. I do know that I'm growing and I love my life. These shakey and scary steps away from the comforts of home are vital to contented survival.

So I study... do art... and breathe.... Take in every day, and try to live it to its fullest potential.
Its good...

The battle

It's been a long week. Neglecting my artistic adventures is easier to do when I'm feeling depressed. We've been having some crazy weather 'round this part of town. Lots of rain, lots of sunny humidity. Yesterday, they decided to duke it out and, by my eyes, it looks like a tie.

I also adore this picture because light and dark, happiness and pain, the good and the bad all seem to battling in my soul. They fight, trying to make me wholly one or the other. This puts me in a generally crap-mood all because I don't know what I am, happy or sad. I gotta say, a lot of times, the darkness wins.

But I create, trying to move on and heal. I am in need for some real art, messy and experimental today. For now I thought I'd share what I've been working on over the past few
days: This is another entry for OLW... trying to do stuff that's a little more me... a little more unique. I think I like it... It reminds me that there's still a lot that I do have and even though rough times are just getting rougher, life is still something good. Its supposed to be reveled in and enjoyed to the fullest. It's supposed to be lived.

So I'm off to live life this weekend. Lot's of studying, lots of Streisand and lots of Sasha being herself: the good, the bad and the ugly. May I find the light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish I could dance...

Another artistic expression that I love to do... though I can't say my skill level is quite so high.
I am so happy that "So You Think You Can Dance" is on again! It is absolutely hands down my favorite reality TV show.

Today was a low-key day. Between studying, I cut my hair, dyed it, biked for 6 miles and read a bit. I always feel like I should look extra good in the summer... here's my attempt:


And one more? It's not often that I feel ridiculously good-looking:


I'm totally in summer mode, so its gonna be really difficult to keep on track. This is my last week of one of my classes, then I have three more weeks till I'm free!! And I can do anything for three weeks, right?

I'll inhale some of that incense- breathe in breathe out. Tomorrow is another double test day, so I've got to get back to the books...
I love my life!!
Art tomorrow?
Peace!

Never forget to say "yes"...

So this is proof that when you try to force yourself to do something artistic, it can be a little unpredictable. I still like it, even though its a little "scrapbooky" for my tastes. I wanted to say more; be more poetic... Oh well, an excuse to make more art is awesome. An excuse to make more art to give away is even better. Still , my baby sis is one incredible person. She's a motivating and inspiring little fairy who I can't wait to see handle the college experience way-hay-hay better than I did...

Anyways, home for the weekend, Yay! Except its gonna be go by quick with less opportunities to do what I need to do. Well, that's life.

Rock on.

Dreaming aloud...

The title is partly because those are the words that just came out of my stereo. If you know not the song "Walking After You" by the Foo Fighters, you must indulge. Its been on repeat around here for a while now...

Today was one of those days that felt slow, but actually went by quickly. I have yet to get anything done that I should have, but honestly I have less and less of these days and I needed it today. It also helped that the prize I won off the One Little Word blog finally came today!! I had to do a mental check- there was so much stuff!

Including a new little journal for my Mini Art that I of course had to decorate right away:


After that... I was not quite satisfied artistically. So after perusing blogs, waiting for individual inspiration to strike... I finally had it.

My outlook on life feels brighter in general... I know it sounds masochistic, but I think I kept myself in a state of self-doubt because that is the place where I had become most comfortable. It becomes easy not to achieve when you don't push for better. Its time for me to shake my own foundations and save myself (love you Kaela.) My support team will always be there, but I need to fix my own mentality of who I am...

Join me for the journey?

Don't tell me what I can't do!

I wish I had a picture of a sunny, beautiful, summery, day. Alas, it was cold and grey.

I was suffering from a serious case of self-irritation today. (Not with school, brief update: I am got a B in both test and practical for the "un-passable" Anatomy class this summer.) I was irritated with myself physically...

These days happen every once and a while... I struggle against old ballerina demons; battling the sylph-image. I heal a little more every time they come around though. Usually, it helps if I force myself to be physical. So, roomie and I decided to explore the 9 mile bike loop near the apt. After a while, we decided to turn back so we wouldn't be late and ended up beginning an adventure of ending up WAY off track and having to bike through the city in the dimming light to get home. It went longer than we intended, though was definitely a good workout. During one of our trail conversations, I mentioned that I would like to run the loop by the time I leave for GR. Lauren babbled a sentence containing one glaring word:

"IMPOSSIBLE."

Oh, ho, darling room mate. Do you know what that word does to me?!



And not only has this change in drive happened for me physically, I feel an incredible focus for every area of my life. I'm just sick of letting people down, but mostly myself. I have lost faith, I have given up, I have let the opportunities to shine pass me by, fleeting as the wind...

Not. Any. More.

And back to okay...

Today has been better.
Before my mood picked up, as I fought between going to class and laying in bed for the rest of my life, I was haunted by the song "The Hill" by Marketa Irglova from Once and so was inspired to do art. In the spirit of trying something new, I attempted a collage...

I think I like...
Step by step I'm feeling better. Plus, I watched one of my favorite X Files episodes, Milagro... Which about an author with incredible vocabulary who narrates the episode. It so poetic and sensual, so of course now I'm in a really romantic mood.

Well tonight involves dressing up, going to see "The Soloist" at the three dollar theater, dishes, kitchen cleaning, and Gilmore Girls. How much do I love the weekend?! I also might sneak in some X Files late tonight (since I know Lauren would never join me!)

Happy Friday!

Some day's are okay... and some are shockers.

What is my Super power?

It took me long enough to think of this one. After it popped into my mind, I though for another good 15 minutes. I wanted to think of something stronger, cooler, and artsy-er... But I kept coming back around. I have to believe that getting back up is a super power. As a wise woman said "Everyone screws up, its what we do, how we live after that makes the difference."
So there's my superpower... Maybe I'll need it for the rest of my life.

Exhaustion reached its peak today. Test after test, studying for more... it never seems to end. I just want to breathe again. But I have two words for you: provisional acceptance.

The packet with my name on it that I received in class today informed me that I was accepted into the Nursing program pending my success this summer. I pray for stamina.

Good in my life can never really be just good. It always seems to come paired with something bad. (Money, money, money!) I dream of the fall, when I will have made it, paid for my classes and continue living the dream. But...


So there you go.
Happy halfway through the week.
Make the most of it.

Today's word...

is balance.

I have a test today and two tomorrow and after a busy weekend with work and open house, its coming down to the wire. I am capable of juggling all that needs to happen today for me to end with my pillow on my head feeling satisfied. I'm going to go, take this test and sit in class. After that comes my exciting adventure to Palos Public Library! (I'm love libraries... so shoot me.) Then comes drastic amounts of studying, rotating back and forth between Microbiology and Anatomy and Physiology. After sufficient time, I will head back to my Apt. and do what I like to call quick-art... where I allot 15-20 minutes and see what happens. (What I'm saying here is check back later.) I will get through this day, as well as accomplish goals of eating healthy and having devotions...

June, I welcome you with open arms!

Let's Go!